Saturday, October 23, 2004
whoah...this is like really something man.i've been away from this thingamagic for a whole year now.No!!..i did not get into a gang fight and have both my hands chopped off...had surgery done for new prosthetic hands and have been hard training to type on a keyboard again..neither was i away on some top secret mission..where i was stranded on a floating island somewhere near bora bora...found by the natives...hung with them for a bit for the shits and giggles...got layed a couple hundred times...got high on the "magic mushrooms" and lush vegetations of the islands and finally decided i gave a shit about humanity and here i am...though i wish that was true...
hmmm.truth be told...i think i was just distracted by a girl in my life who is now non existent..i broke up with my first ever girlfriend ok.we wont go into that...its neither a story you could laugh or cry about...just one of them regular boy meets girl...boy likes girl..they decide to be together..but when the shit hits the fan...over and over and over again...they decide to take a chill pill and call it quits.
and in our case i have cancer...and am over so often reminded that my life is fragile and the "unseen" pain it causes the ppl who love and care for me the most affects me ever so badly.but my life has always been good due to the fact that God alone sees it fit that i have such a life.through his grace and mercy..and abundance of blessings upon me.
at the end of last year after i was hospitalized and got myself pulled out of chemotherapy.i was invited to go on a holiday to thailand with Eugene and Cindy.i think we were there for about 2 weeks and we had so much fun.hitting the beaches in the day...doing all kindsa water sports...going for massages...and at night we would stuff our faces with seafood and a shit load of alcohol.it was really nice cause i was back at full health and the pace in thailand is so slow and relaxed.it was a nice holiday...when i got back to singapore. someone approached me to help them with a cookbook for diabetics.
if you're in any kinda profession you know there certain things you want to attain..and since i'm in the culinary field. i've always wanted to come up with a cookbook or at least have my name in one and here i had the chance...needless to say i have accomplished more then most young ppl in this field....i'm still in my mid 20's and i have freakin cancer man!!i am indeed the master of all troglodytes!!...apologies..got a lil carried away there.well...i got the cookbook done...and i heard they've already sold like a 100,000 copies...count that folks...no you aint got that many fingers.
recently when i was hospitalized i was suprised to see that i even got one of my pics on a local health magazine..how awesome is that man!the money from the project sent me all the way to New Zealand.i was there for about 2 and half weeks....and i did some extreme shit that would have made the urukai(mean lookin S.O.B type monsters from Lord Of The Rings)..pee in their panties.the place was so pretty with its surreal looking flowers and magnificent landscape..which made my jaw drop a couple of times.the food there was good too..on the first day i was there i had a side of beef rib that was like 650grams!!..now thats a huge slab of meat aye!and we had these super duper burgers in queenstown called ferg burgers..and its shop was located in some crudy corner..i guess you need a keen nose like mine to seek out the grub. i took some pretty pictures too...and i even got to drive!!!all in all it was a great holiday...because i got to spend it with some really good friends.
back home...i had to go for a CT scan and a check up with doc. B. this check did not go down too well...cause the tumor was already spreading.and on that very check up doc. B had to take my blood pressure like 6 times and i was told that i had high blood pressure and if not checked could lead to a severe stroke and a coma.my kidneys were also not functioning at optimum level.
so to my great dismay i had to be hospitalized...crappers.i think it would be 3 or 4 weeks before wee teck and cat would actually leave for the states.so Cat was around the cancer ward to look out for me and stuff.the stay in the ward was not all that good.i had to get both my kidneys punctured..they were bloated the kidneys..so tubes had to be stuck to drain them.when i went to get my first kidney punctured i thought i was going to die...no seriously..my kidney according to the surgeon was in a "odd" position and was really hard to find.they had to call in the head of the dept to do the procedure.there was a point during the procedure when i screaming and telling them to stop cause i could not breath...not very becoming but i guess when you're freakin out...you just freak out.so on a day when lots should have happened..and could have happened..good and bad of course..God kept me.i was injected with some good old morphine..and i was sleeping like a baby.
i was given 2 days to rest off the trauma.and i was back on the operating bed.this time they got a really old looking..american accented chap to operate on me.he did a really good job...i had the tubes inserted...and had some stens inserted into my kidneys all the way down to my bladder.its like putting extra piping into the system just in case it gets clogged by the tumor.i had to stay in the hospital for a really long time man...and i dont sleep well on hospital beds,the fact that i had 2 tubes coming out of my back..and tubes for drips on my arms...mobility was not on my side.i could sit up though...and talk and stuff.
love my family and friends...Jon..BX..wenjie..aaron..robin..euge..cindy.. jeremy..charlie..joy.. janice.. fiona..arnette..sarah..peggy.. uncle richard..aitee..lizzie..ethel..eve..charlottle..godmom nancy..godmom yuting and my sweet aunty susie,uncle jimmy,cousins adrian,edwin and mervin.they came and went...showering me with their support,smiles and sweets.
by this time i was takin morphine pretty much everyday..just to kinda kill the pain and all.but it was also during my stay in the hospital that i met Andy..who was about 20 yrs old..he had had prostate cancer for about 2 yrs .his cancer was in a pretty advance stage and they were trying to treat him with chemo.he was lil more mobile then me...so he would always pull up a chair near to my bed to have a chat.he sounded like a nice guy...who felt a lil bitter about the fact that he had cancer.and through his own sufferings had brought about pain,grief and problems to his own family by the fact that he did not come from a well to do family.he being the eldest child of the family...was not healthy enough to care for the more obvious worldy burdens.i suspect that maybe because his family was not having a great time dealing with his condition..he punished himself by ostracizing himself from his friends and banished himself to his own home.
if you've ever been sick or mentally defeated..theres a certain facial expression that will certainly give it away.even if you try to smile or laugh it off...its still there.its like a sick stigma that sticks like glue.and andy had that look.i did not pity him in anyways...he wanted to fight the cancer with all his heart but sometimes even that does not count.even though i finally left the hospital, i would visit him everytime i had an appointment at the hospital.i would talk and pray for him.gladly some other Christians also decided to do the same thing and he finally came to know Christ.
Andy died about 2 weeks ago....we will never know what would have happened to him if he had gotten better through the treatment.maybe he would have become successful,rich...gotten married..have a whole bunch of kids.driven a cool car..these things seem imaterial to Christians who truely believe that there is something better to look forward to after death...Andy would have been one of those ppl.but you dont want to be at deaths door or be at a point where you're suffering so badly that theres nothing else to believe in to be enlightened by the fact that heaven is real.
i've always believed that in life there are bound to be screw ups...and as badly as we dont want to let go of regret.we Should live life without regrets...whats been done is done...just let it go.today is gone...but theres always a good tomorrow to look forward to.do not obsess yourselves with whats going to happen to your physical Body...and wonder if a flu is going to kill you,death is inevitable so live life to its fullest and make it count for something.its called simple faith my friends and its something we could all do with.
i'm sorry i seem to have drifted...the blog is starting to sound like a sermon.i guess i have a lil message that i want to share and words are one of the tools of the Lord.you know what guys...the ride did not end...i was always driving and you guys were always right there with me.i guess we just had so much driving to do...so much thoughts to collect.its raining right about now...drops of water are falling around the car...i love the noise of water bouncing off metal.i see a rainbow in the distance....and we are so there dudes!!
hmmm.truth be told...i think i was just distracted by a girl in my life who is now non existent..i broke up with my first ever girlfriend ok.we wont go into that...its neither a story you could laugh or cry about...just one of them regular boy meets girl...boy likes girl..they decide to be together..but when the shit hits the fan...over and over and over again...they decide to take a chill pill and call it quits.
and in our case i have cancer...and am over so often reminded that my life is fragile and the "unseen" pain it causes the ppl who love and care for me the most affects me ever so badly.but my life has always been good due to the fact that God alone sees it fit that i have such a life.through his grace and mercy..and abundance of blessings upon me.
at the end of last year after i was hospitalized and got myself pulled out of chemotherapy.i was invited to go on a holiday to thailand with Eugene and Cindy.i think we were there for about 2 weeks and we had so much fun.hitting the beaches in the day...doing all kindsa water sports...going for massages...and at night we would stuff our faces with seafood and a shit load of alcohol.it was really nice cause i was back at full health and the pace in thailand is so slow and relaxed.it was a nice holiday...when i got back to singapore. someone approached me to help them with a cookbook for diabetics.
if you're in any kinda profession you know there certain things you want to attain..and since i'm in the culinary field. i've always wanted to come up with a cookbook or at least have my name in one and here i had the chance...needless to say i have accomplished more then most young ppl in this field....i'm still in my mid 20's and i have freakin cancer man!!i am indeed the master of all troglodytes!!...apologies..got a lil carried away there.well...i got the cookbook done...and i heard they've already sold like a 100,000 copies...count that folks...no you aint got that many fingers.
recently when i was hospitalized i was suprised to see that i even got one of my pics on a local health magazine..how awesome is that man!the money from the project sent me all the way to New Zealand.i was there for about 2 and half weeks....and i did some extreme shit that would have made the urukai(mean lookin S.O.B type monsters from Lord Of The Rings)..pee in their panties.the place was so pretty with its surreal looking flowers and magnificent landscape..which made my jaw drop a couple of times.the food there was good too..on the first day i was there i had a side of beef rib that was like 650grams!!..now thats a huge slab of meat aye!and we had these super duper burgers in queenstown called ferg burgers..and its shop was located in some crudy corner..i guess you need a keen nose like mine to seek out the grub. i took some pretty pictures too...and i even got to drive!!!all in all it was a great holiday...because i got to spend it with some really good friends.
back home...i had to go for a CT scan and a check up with doc. B. this check did not go down too well...cause the tumor was already spreading.and on that very check up doc. B had to take my blood pressure like 6 times and i was told that i had high blood pressure and if not checked could lead to a severe stroke and a coma.my kidneys were also not functioning at optimum level.
so to my great dismay i had to be hospitalized...crappers.i think it would be 3 or 4 weeks before wee teck and cat would actually leave for the states.so Cat was around the cancer ward to look out for me and stuff.the stay in the ward was not all that good.i had to get both my kidneys punctured..they were bloated the kidneys..so tubes had to be stuck to drain them.when i went to get my first kidney punctured i thought i was going to die...no seriously..my kidney according to the surgeon was in a "odd" position and was really hard to find.they had to call in the head of the dept to do the procedure.there was a point during the procedure when i screaming and telling them to stop cause i could not breath...not very becoming but i guess when you're freakin out...you just freak out.so on a day when lots should have happened..and could have happened..good and bad of course..God kept me.i was injected with some good old morphine..and i was sleeping like a baby.
i was given 2 days to rest off the trauma.and i was back on the operating bed.this time they got a really old looking..american accented chap to operate on me.he did a really good job...i had the tubes inserted...and had some stens inserted into my kidneys all the way down to my bladder.its like putting extra piping into the system just in case it gets clogged by the tumor.i had to stay in the hospital for a really long time man...and i dont sleep well on hospital beds,the fact that i had 2 tubes coming out of my back..and tubes for drips on my arms...mobility was not on my side.i could sit up though...and talk and stuff.
love my family and friends...Jon..BX..wenjie..aaron..robin..euge..cindy.. jeremy..charlie..joy.. janice.. fiona..arnette..sarah..peggy.. uncle richard..aitee..lizzie..ethel..eve..charlottle..godmom nancy..godmom yuting and my sweet aunty susie,uncle jimmy,cousins adrian,edwin and mervin.they came and went...showering me with their support,smiles and sweets.
by this time i was takin morphine pretty much everyday..just to kinda kill the pain and all.but it was also during my stay in the hospital that i met Andy..who was about 20 yrs old..he had had prostate cancer for about 2 yrs .his cancer was in a pretty advance stage and they were trying to treat him with chemo.he was lil more mobile then me...so he would always pull up a chair near to my bed to have a chat.he sounded like a nice guy...who felt a lil bitter about the fact that he had cancer.and through his own sufferings had brought about pain,grief and problems to his own family by the fact that he did not come from a well to do family.he being the eldest child of the family...was not healthy enough to care for the more obvious worldy burdens.i suspect that maybe because his family was not having a great time dealing with his condition..he punished himself by ostracizing himself from his friends and banished himself to his own home.
if you've ever been sick or mentally defeated..theres a certain facial expression that will certainly give it away.even if you try to smile or laugh it off...its still there.its like a sick stigma that sticks like glue.and andy had that look.i did not pity him in anyways...he wanted to fight the cancer with all his heart but sometimes even that does not count.even though i finally left the hospital, i would visit him everytime i had an appointment at the hospital.i would talk and pray for him.gladly some other Christians also decided to do the same thing and he finally came to know Christ.
Andy died about 2 weeks ago....we will never know what would have happened to him if he had gotten better through the treatment.maybe he would have become successful,rich...gotten married..have a whole bunch of kids.driven a cool car..these things seem imaterial to Christians who truely believe that there is something better to look forward to after death...Andy would have been one of those ppl.but you dont want to be at deaths door or be at a point where you're suffering so badly that theres nothing else to believe in to be enlightened by the fact that heaven is real.
i've always believed that in life there are bound to be screw ups...and as badly as we dont want to let go of regret.we Should live life without regrets...whats been done is done...just let it go.today is gone...but theres always a good tomorrow to look forward to.do not obsess yourselves with whats going to happen to your physical Body...and wonder if a flu is going to kill you,death is inevitable so live life to its fullest and make it count for something.its called simple faith my friends and its something we could all do with.
i'm sorry i seem to have drifted...the blog is starting to sound like a sermon.i guess i have a lil message that i want to share and words are one of the tools of the Lord.you know what guys...the ride did not end...i was always driving and you guys were always right there with me.i guess we just had so much driving to do...so much thoughts to collect.its raining right about now...drops of water are falling around the car...i love the noise of water bouncing off metal.i see a rainbow in the distance....and we are so there dudes!!
