Thursday, February 17, 2005
A picture i took of My very pretty, mad twirls haired and attitude filled Lil Niece Claire Tara David. Love her lots!
Its always a good feeling when people tell me i dont look my age...i'll be 30 in 2 yrs time. I went to SAJC on monday with Bing Xin and Charlotte...and most ppl thought i was a j2 student. The aunty at the malay food store thought i was waiting for my o level results and asked me why i had the uniform on..she announced all on her own that "wah handsome!!you love SA very much huh!!!!"...i agreed with a smile!...anyways i had a really nice day with my Evil Empire chums.
Thats a picture of Cindy Euge and Me.what can i say about these guys that i have not said before. i'm so happy that they're getting hitched. i grew up with Euge and Cindy i've grown to love as a sister. They are really good friends who've always been there for me (thank you for taking me home when i got sloshed the other day guys!!), best travelling buddies, makan kah kee, always up for a drink, shit and giggles, head bobbing, music listening and hard partying freaks. Love them very much.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
It is Wednesday,February 09 2005. The time is now 420am. I have just completed another painting.Enjoy faithful readers of my blog.
Monday, February 07, 2005
LIFE
Sometimes it’s good to be oblivious. And sometimes you just can’t get away from the realities of life. I don’t really mind going to the hospital for check ups and all…but when you have this feeling of running into a wall and that wall just won’t come down no matter what you do, it kinda sucks. The wall being the advanced but limited help that human science is allowed to help me at this point….or maybe its help that I don’t think really fits my profile. So what the hell am I talking about. Here’s the dig. I’ll try to keep it short.
Apart from the Grace of God…the only other things that’s sustaining my life at this point is the chemo. I have been on chemo ever since I was first diagnosed with cancer a few yrs back. I was put on it to try and kill off the tumor but that did not work out. So I quit chemo for a bit, until the tumor started spreading again last yr in august affecting both my kidneys. So i started on chemo again and this time just as a measure of control on the tumor itself. Every chemo cycle lasts for about 6 months or more. After which the chances of the tumor spreading again are pretty good. How fast and where the tumor spreads to nobody knows. So if I wanted to live a little bit longer then I’d have to go back for chemotherapy every time the tumor was on the move.
The chemo is both expensive and extremely uncomfortable.
Have you ever felt totally crappy? like you’re going to die from a cold, so weak you cant even walk to get a glass of water to save your life? Feel so tired out but you cant get any real sleep in. Your appetite is screwed. You vomit so much that eating does not seem to be a good option anymore. You can’t get out of the house much because of the scare of infection from big crowds. Concentration drops...and sometimes you ask yourself “why the hell am I doing this to myself?!!” welcome to a little part of a cancer patients life.
Its very simple with chemo. The chemo meds that are pumped into you attack both your good and bad cells(the tumor)…how each person reacts to chemo is very different. The side effects are pretty much the same but most of them can be controlled with medication also. If you can handle chemo….good on you. If you can’t then you might be walking into that light at the end of the tunnel sooner then you think.
I believe the Chemo affects MY quality of life. Yes it might be a “worldly miracle” to some but to me it’s just something that slows me down. And so what if the doctor told me I have 6 more months to live…hey at least I have 6 months to do all that I want to do. I’m the kinda person that always needs to be doing something. I need to have this feeling of being alive. It’s probably one of the reasons why I smile and laugh all the time. Joy is an emotion that evokes life for me….it’s a reason amongst so many others that wants me to feel alive inside. I was telling my Sunday school class that I would rather live out my life till I die happy then be under the constant strain of medication. I would want people around me to remember me as being happy and living my life to the fullest then remembering all the times they had to come visit me in the hospital. I don’t think I’m being irresponsible in my decision to stop chemo but I’d rather think of it as a bold move on my part to live my life the way I see it fit to be lived and knowing that God is with me all the way comforts me tremendously.
At the pith of it all…I sometimes quietly do feel I’m letting my loved ones down by not “fighting” the good fight all the way. I look at my mom sometimes and I think about how she’d feel if I was to die….I shed a tear. I don’t think its morbid…its just that I have a special bond with my mom, and with the many special people in my life. But its cool that the people who are closest to me know me really well and support me all the way.
I personally believe that having a short but fruitful, experienced and God centered (I try so very hard)life is so much better then having a long and un-full filled life. Why go through an adventure or a journey when you’re not even bold enough to step outside your boundaries? Do you want to live your life in regret? Why wait to appreciate life only when something bad happens? You who are reading this entry have been a blessing to me believe it or not. Because I have the chance to tell you about something that might not come your way everyday. Remember to keep reading friends.
…and the Journey goes on. Drive safe.
Sometimes it’s good to be oblivious. And sometimes you just can’t get away from the realities of life. I don’t really mind going to the hospital for check ups and all…but when you have this feeling of running into a wall and that wall just won’t come down no matter what you do, it kinda sucks. The wall being the advanced but limited help that human science is allowed to help me at this point….or maybe its help that I don’t think really fits my profile. So what the hell am I talking about. Here’s the dig. I’ll try to keep it short.
Apart from the Grace of God…the only other things that’s sustaining my life at this point is the chemo. I have been on chemo ever since I was first diagnosed with cancer a few yrs back. I was put on it to try and kill off the tumor but that did not work out. So I quit chemo for a bit, until the tumor started spreading again last yr in august affecting both my kidneys. So i started on chemo again and this time just as a measure of control on the tumor itself. Every chemo cycle lasts for about 6 months or more. After which the chances of the tumor spreading again are pretty good. How fast and where the tumor spreads to nobody knows. So if I wanted to live a little bit longer then I’d have to go back for chemotherapy every time the tumor was on the move.
The chemo is both expensive and extremely uncomfortable.
Have you ever felt totally crappy? like you’re going to die from a cold, so weak you cant even walk to get a glass of water to save your life? Feel so tired out but you cant get any real sleep in. Your appetite is screwed. You vomit so much that eating does not seem to be a good option anymore. You can’t get out of the house much because of the scare of infection from big crowds. Concentration drops...and sometimes you ask yourself “why the hell am I doing this to myself?!!” welcome to a little part of a cancer patients life.
Its very simple with chemo. The chemo meds that are pumped into you attack both your good and bad cells(the tumor)…how each person reacts to chemo is very different. The side effects are pretty much the same but most of them can be controlled with medication also. If you can handle chemo….good on you. If you can’t then you might be walking into that light at the end of the tunnel sooner then you think.
I believe the Chemo affects MY quality of life. Yes it might be a “worldly miracle” to some but to me it’s just something that slows me down. And so what if the doctor told me I have 6 more months to live…hey at least I have 6 months to do all that I want to do. I’m the kinda person that always needs to be doing something. I need to have this feeling of being alive. It’s probably one of the reasons why I smile and laugh all the time. Joy is an emotion that evokes life for me….it’s a reason amongst so many others that wants me to feel alive inside. I was telling my Sunday school class that I would rather live out my life till I die happy then be under the constant strain of medication. I would want people around me to remember me as being happy and living my life to the fullest then remembering all the times they had to come visit me in the hospital. I don’t think I’m being irresponsible in my decision to stop chemo but I’d rather think of it as a bold move on my part to live my life the way I see it fit to be lived and knowing that God is with me all the way comforts me tremendously.
At the pith of it all…I sometimes quietly do feel I’m letting my loved ones down by not “fighting” the good fight all the way. I look at my mom sometimes and I think about how she’d feel if I was to die….I shed a tear. I don’t think its morbid…its just that I have a special bond with my mom, and with the many special people in my life. But its cool that the people who are closest to me know me really well and support me all the way.
I personally believe that having a short but fruitful, experienced and God centered (I try so very hard)life is so much better then having a long and un-full filled life. Why go through an adventure or a journey when you’re not even bold enough to step outside your boundaries? Do you want to live your life in regret? Why wait to appreciate life only when something bad happens? You who are reading this entry have been a blessing to me believe it or not. Because I have the chance to tell you about something that might not come your way everyday. Remember to keep reading friends.
…and the Journey goes on. Drive safe.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
The Flowers make me think happy thoughts everytime i look up or when i'm about to fall alseep.
The Flowers I spray painted on my ceiling with one inspired flower stencil. I remember one sunday afternoon i had nothing to do and felt the room needed a different feel.So i made the stencil and bought some spray paint, The Flowers were done in a couple of hours. My late Grandma who was at my place at that time..was so facinated that she put a stool outside my room, so she could watch me work. Enjoy the pics folks.
Laughs ..Im not a narcissistic guy. But since I have so many pictures of me and my friends I thought why not. I think the collage it looks pretty cool. For those of you who want an extra close up encounter with the many Kelvins click on the picture. Take care guys. And have a nice Tuesday. Ride safe.
