Thursday, August 21, 2003
Its about 220am in the morning. Just had a really cold shower even though I’m having a slight flu…damn this humid weather!! Sitting in front of the computer i can’t help but feel the day went by totally wasted. My room I feel is like small rock in the middle of nowhere, whether time has been wasted or spent wisely i know I’ve spent a lot of time on my rock. My family never communicated on an affectionate level and I spent a good deal of time thinking about a lot of things in that room. Everything from how I was not going to get myself expelled from a school, if girls even took notice of me…and if they did, what was I doing wrong to not get their fullest attention, How was I ever going to be better then my siblings in everything….did I need friends or were they just a distraction?
Was I leading a good Christian lifestyle or did it even matter at that point in time? Was I good enough to be in the kingdom of heaven? Was I even going to make it life? Would the decisions I make now come to haunt me in my future? I spend my time here sometimes consoling myself on the fact that my time could have been better spent, better decisions could have been made and that I’m not a complete loser but then that small rock is also the place where I go to for encouragement that nobody else can give me, its helped to bring out the best in my imagination and inspired me to take up so many new challenges.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking in that room but when I much younger I did not realize that God was there with me on my rock…sitting beside me like the best friend that he is and helping me to decide stuff about my life. Later on in my life someone would actually tell me about my lonely moments in my room and how God was always there for me. it was then that I decided also that I wanted to serve God and use the gifts that he had blessed me!!…amen for that!
Had to go the hospital once again to remove the stitches from chest…seems there’s slight problem with the wound. Glad the nurses at the cancer center were taking care of me, somehow or rather after being treated by other nurses and doctors at nuh. The caregivers at the cancer center know how to take care of me best. The ct scan that I had to go to on tues was not too good either. They did not set the plug on hand proper and later on during the scan when they had to inject the dye into me…it was forcing a huge elephant down a small pipe. I don’t complain much but this was not good. Well I guess pain does come with the treatment. I’ll know the results of the scan by next week. Like I was telling most people I just feel a sense of anticipation about the results. It’s a pretty big thing…to put it simply its just tells you how much longer you get to live. But as usual I’m taking it extremely casually….I’ve been feeling so much better these few weeks because my oncologist has been nice enough to lay me off the chemo treatment. I’ve been going out quite a bit. Went out with Char and Jon about 2 weeks back and it was so refreshing. Had so much fun with them laughing and just totally messing around [ thank you Char for giving me a chance to have a go at the neo print thingy] had time to hang out with Aaron and Euge….its been so long since we had the time to hang together. We went to watch Bad Boys the other day and it brought back memories about the gang and how we were so tight. Never the less I still have them my friends and brothers and they’re going to be around for life!! Spent some times online catching with some old friends too.
I think on our next ride together I’ll be writing about stuff I did when I was much younger. Its going to be wild so stick around yah. Ja bless. Be safe.
Was I leading a good Christian lifestyle or did it even matter at that point in time? Was I good enough to be in the kingdom of heaven? Was I even going to make it life? Would the decisions I make now come to haunt me in my future? I spend my time here sometimes consoling myself on the fact that my time could have been better spent, better decisions could have been made and that I’m not a complete loser but then that small rock is also the place where I go to for encouragement that nobody else can give me, its helped to bring out the best in my imagination and inspired me to take up so many new challenges.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking in that room but when I much younger I did not realize that God was there with me on my rock…sitting beside me like the best friend that he is and helping me to decide stuff about my life. Later on in my life someone would actually tell me about my lonely moments in my room and how God was always there for me. it was then that I decided also that I wanted to serve God and use the gifts that he had blessed me!!…amen for that!
Had to go the hospital once again to remove the stitches from chest…seems there’s slight problem with the wound. Glad the nurses at the cancer center were taking care of me, somehow or rather after being treated by other nurses and doctors at nuh. The caregivers at the cancer center know how to take care of me best. The ct scan that I had to go to on tues was not too good either. They did not set the plug on hand proper and later on during the scan when they had to inject the dye into me…it was forcing a huge elephant down a small pipe. I don’t complain much but this was not good. Well I guess pain does come with the treatment. I’ll know the results of the scan by next week. Like I was telling most people I just feel a sense of anticipation about the results. It’s a pretty big thing…to put it simply its just tells you how much longer you get to live. But as usual I’m taking it extremely casually….I’ve been feeling so much better these few weeks because my oncologist has been nice enough to lay me off the chemo treatment. I’ve been going out quite a bit. Went out with Char and Jon about 2 weeks back and it was so refreshing. Had so much fun with them laughing and just totally messing around [ thank you Char for giving me a chance to have a go at the neo print thingy] had time to hang out with Aaron and Euge….its been so long since we had the time to hang together. We went to watch Bad Boys the other day and it brought back memories about the gang and how we were so tight. Never the less I still have them my friends and brothers and they’re going to be around for life!! Spent some times online catching with some old friends too.
I think on our next ride together I’ll be writing about stuff I did when I was much younger. Its going to be wild so stick around yah. Ja bless. Be safe.
